Last Night

I woke up this afternoon afraid that I had let myself out of my cage.
Afraid that I fluttered away.
Trying hard, wishing hard that I would be gone in an instant.
Floating face down in a pile of bones and language barriers.
Sinking deep in international waters.
I lost something I never thought I’d care for or miss.
This thing, I probably won’t find again.
Maybe I don’t have to. It was pretend, after all.
I fucked myself for trusting much more than me and not me at all.
Senselessly stringing together shame, pity and desperation until it’s all washed away into the vapor covered mountains.
Using up chance after chance like a cat with no brain.
Even if all the money in the world fell flat on my face, I don’t think I could change
Failingly, even still, trying to fill my broken heart with nonstick tape.

mr. ____ wants a song

muted microphones engage in conversation when no one is looking.
booze hounds bark at tits beneath poorly lit marquis
you fake a frown and swallow pint after pint after pint after pint after pint
Nothing is sad
Nothing is lonely
Nothing is here
Nothing wants more
delicately hung electrical wires confuse your direction, lead you to abrupt ditches
images make make-believe makers second guess
you’re upside down.
your upside down.
you’re welcome

you’re old, rented, certified and paid

I let one of the others take a breath
stoned blind we dine on cellophaned food

and bring boxes
and bring letters
and bring everything that looks the same

Two Good Friends

My face twitches and shakes when you give me compliments
I'm not used to niceties
I respond more naturally to insults
The only real habit I have had is self sabotage
And picking at my face
I shake when I wake
My cure and my disease have become good friends
What kind of time have I wasted?
It's all nonsense, lean back.

Another Day In The Forest

A poem about words, livers, sea shanties and failure.

Another day in the forest

This pirate was stenciled out of silver tinsel

She grew big and strong until one day

This pirate left her little maze.

She grew out of the maze she made.

Her broken guitar was never played

It sat, sulking like a lonely barmaid in the corner,

Her last date left her alone at the drive in.

It was an early show, but eventually she got laid.

I might be a silver tinsel stenciled pirate.

Greeding out hope and $ and things.

Pianos and things.

Plugging down the line, oblivious and searching.

Feeling with my eyes.

Just one sea shanty away from pay day,

A cartoon of a dream.

The inspiration for so many ridiculous thing.

Slivers of fear laced with unanswered prayers.

His liver was never tased.

That would have fit his paternity plate, though.

His friends lived in outer space.

That was why he was always being chased.

Through town and through the subways.

Though they were looking for someone else.

Thought it was me, but it must have been my shadow.

I was always chasing someone.

So was he.

Dipping, diving and delving into fantasies.

I always wanted to be one of them.

A Constriction

I've been planted too deep.

Cutting around corners, checking and unchecking.

It's been like one long held in cry.

A constriction.

Slowly grinding away at each molecule in me.

Until at last I'm dust and regretting it all.

Missing everything I had never lived.

The life I zombied through.

Accessing only unimportant portions.

Just sitting in my head while questions and accusations relay by.

Several long marches down several long roads gave me momentary silence.

Momentary peace.

I was wheeled down sterile hallways after unfortunate phone calls.

Wake up, wake up.

You're two floors up and on the other side of the planet.

Start digging.

There are opportunities to devour.